Swapping Shoes
by xxHarleyxx
Summary: Ever wondered what would happen if The Joker and Batman switched places for a day? - Something like this is bound to have some SERIOUS consequences...
1. prologue

Batman stood, hunched over and panting

_Authors note:_

I've always wondered if the Joker had ever once considered what Batman's job might involve on a day to day basis…and like wise for the dark knight. SOOO I decided to flip the cards and see how a day in the life of your enemy might play out. Hope you enjoy…please review  Constructive critism and all that.

PROLOGUE

Batman stood, hunched over and panting. It wasn't the first time he'd been fought to a stand still and Joker knew it wouldn't be the last. He threw the burning bomb up and down in his hand, as if it were no more then a small ball, the flame growing closer and closer to the danger point.

"This just isn't fun any more batsy." Joker teased, the bomb rolling around in his hand. He kicked at one of the broken boxes, sending it flying into one of the deserted factory walls. I cracked window shattered completely, sending glass crashing to the concrete floor.

"You're making it too easy."

Beside him Harley giggled and Joker snapped at her.

"Quiet!"

Her mouth was closed suddenly and she stood up straighter, her arms pressed to her sides like an obedient statue. There was a small grunt as Batman dove forward. His gloved hand ripped the bomb from the Joker's grasp and a moment before he hit the ground Batman threw it into the rafters, the explosion echoing through the room but doing no harm to the three on-lookers. Batman crashed with a painful thud and Joker tutted, walking over to him and putting a foot on his chest.

"Your just not as into it as you used to be." Joker said, disappointed and Batman's eyes flashed.

"I'd like to see you take on my role for just one day…you wouldn't survive."

It had obviously been meant as a joke but The Clown Prince of Crime raised his eyebrows and brought his pale hand to his chin.

"Hmmm. You challenging me batsy?" The calculations whizzed by in his head, a regarding look clearly on his face. Harley's mouth fell open and she gasped.

"You're not considering his offer, are you pudd'n?"

Batman carefully stood up, his legs shaking violently.

"What offer?" he said, but the clowns ignored him.

"Maybe I am…" His trademark smile crawled across his face and his eyes glimmered. "Maybe I am."

Joker laughed loudly and thrust his hand into batman's shaking it aggressively.

"You got yourself a deal. We'll swap roles for one day and see if the other survives."

Batman went silent and then, surprisingly, he nodded.

"And if you win? What do you want?"

"Ohhh… nothing much. Just the satisfaction of knowing I can do your job better then you…"

Batman watched him curiously, raising an eyebrow beneath his mask.

"And if you win batsy?"

"No more crimes…ever."

Harley squeaked and darted forward, attempting to wrench Joker's hand from Batman's.

"Don't do it Mr.J it's to risky! Don't-"

The Jokers spare hand came flying around, hitting Harley square in the face. She stumbled back but managed not to fall.

"Quiet!" he said through clenched teeth, before turning a mischievous grin back to batman.

"Deal."

Batman smiled in return.

"Deal. I'll see you tomorrow…Batman."

The Joker laughed at the title and turned, walking straight from the warehouse without another word. Harley ran after him, her eyes as wide as saucers.


	2. Chapter 2

Joker didn't know how he had done it but, when he had pulled himself from his leather chair the next morning, throwing aside the plans he had spent the night on, the bat-mobile was parked perfectly outside his hide out door

Joker didn't know how he had done it but, when he had pulled himself from his leather chair the next morning, throwing aside the plans he had spent the night on, the bat-mobile was parked perfectly outside his hide out door. Joker laughed, impressed that the bat had managed to track him down…but also curious. If he had done it today he most certainly could have done it in the past. He shrugged and darted forward, only to have a strong hand grab the back of his purple jacket and stop him in his tracks.

"You MUST do everything as I would Joker. No games. As soon as you put on the mask you become me. Get it?"

"Got it." The Joker turned around and raised an eyebrow. "I hope you don't expect me to change here!" he said with feigned shock. Batman growled.

"There's a spare suit in the car. And me?"

Joker rolled his eyes and stepped into the doorway.

"HARLEY!" he cried out. She was by his side in seconds, holding a bag neatly in her arms and a perfectly ironed suit in the other. Joker took it from her and shoved it at batman.

"The suit, the dye and the make-up. Plus some…toys. I'd like to see what you do with them."

Batman nodded.

"Well good luck Joker."

He took his things and turned on his heel, quickly disappearing into the shadows. Joker's lips parted in an excited grin and he cleared the distance between him and the car, rubbing his hand across the shiny black paint. He pushed his nose to the car door and sniffed it, taking in the scent before turning the keys which had been left in the lock. The door swung open and Joker laughed, jumping into the large seat and examining the many buttons in front of him. Before he could start messing with them Harley pulled herself into the passenger seat, a black costume on her lap.

"I found this in the boot pudd'n." she said, holding up a familiar mask. She giggled.

"Are you going to put it on?"

The Joker grinned and then whacked her across the head.

"Of course I am!" he scolded, wrenching the fabric from her hands and quickly rushing back into the hideout.

He took his time changing and stood for a good ten minutes laughing at his reflection when he was finally ready. He took a deep breath, puffing out his chest and walking back out to greet Harley. She screamed and clapped her hands with, giggling wildly.

"What are you doing in my car…clown." The joker said, making his voice as deep as humanly possible. Harley laughed again, clutching at her sides.

"You look great Mr.J!" she chimed, jumping up and wrapping her arms around him. Joker shoved her off and brushed his shoulder indignantly.

"Don't touch me clown!" he yelled, trying his best to impersonate his foe. Harley laughed again and raised a hand, gesturing at the car.

"I believe this is yours."

Joker took the drivers seat once more, pulling the door closed behind him and leaning forward. His eyes scanned the dashboard with a feverish hunger.

"How does it work Pudd'n?" Harley asked and Joker frowned. He took a risk and pulled down one lever, whilst pushing a button near his left arm. To his amazement the engine roared to life and a screen flashed on.

"You're a genius!" Harley commended, her eyes sparkling happily and Joker raised his chin.

"Of course I am pumpkin pie…Now." He pushed another button and the radio blared to life. It wasn't the loud music he was expecting but instead the voice of Gotham's commissioner, urgently requesting back up.

"The Joker has been spotted near Arkham we don't know what he's planning but it can't be good. Get all forces to head over to-"

The rest of the sentence was drowned out by Joker's laughter. He shook his head proudly.

"Looks like Batsy's really up to the challenge. And it's my job to make sure he doesn't do anything wrong!"

The Joker put a hand to his chest graciously before turning an angry eye to Harley.

"And just what do you think your doing?" he growled and she backed up slightly in her chair.

"What's wrong Mistah J?"

"I can't be seen with you! I'm supposed to be the batman!"

Harley squeaked and ran from the car.

"Sorry!" she called back as she rushed inside to change. Joker shook his head and massaged his temples in annoyance.

"Hopeless." He muttered, fiddling with a few more dials which looked interesting.

By the time Harley had found another costume the Joker had figured driven up the street and back again, managing to crash into a nearby store along the way. He had stopped the moment he had flown through the store window and personally helped the owner clean up the mess. The store owner had watched him the entire time, a grimace noticeable in his features. When the job was done the Joker climbed back into his car and, before closing the door, called out.

"I AM BATMAN!"

As if he were the greatest superhero the word had ever known.

"Sorry I took so long pudd'n!" Harley cried as she took her seat. Her face was now completely covered with a black and gold masquerade mask, her hair was flowing down her shoulders and she wore a completely black full length body suit, with matching gold and black boots. Fabric had been draped over her back to look like wings and she had attached the ends to her wrists.

"I'm batgirl…see!" she said as she closed the door. Joker rolled his eyes and revved the engine.

"Very nice, Harley girl. Now hurry up."

She beamed at his approval and her heart melted as she fastened her belt, leaning as close to her Pudd'n as the seat allowed. Joker backed out slowly and grinned as he waited at the end of the street.

"Let's see just how fast batsy's car can go."

Harley gulped and her nails dug into the leather seat beneath her as the Joker slammed his foot down on the pedal. The car sped forward with such swiftness that the two were thrown back into their seats. The Joker laughed maniacally whilst Harley screamed, not daring to move as they raced across the street. Up ahead was a sharp corner and Harley through her arms over her head, not expecting to make it. Joker laughed again.

"Let's take a detour…" he murmured to himself, driving up makeshift ramp and flying swiftly through the wooden fence that ended the street. Harley bit painfully on her lip, trying not to squeal again, as Joker wound his way through the junk-yard they had appeared in. He dodged piled of rubbish and cranes, only missing them by millimeters. When they came to a dead end he pushed a few buttons and send the fence up in a blazing flame, driving through the wreckage and yelling loudly with thrill. He sped up the street, Arkham appearing in the distance, and a few onlookers stopped what they were doing to point.

"Let's really give them something to look at!" he cried, sending out another round of bullets. The Ute in front of them screeched to a halt as the tired burst and the send of rubber filled the air. Suddenly it burst into flame with an explosion that shook the windows around them and sent every person on the street running for their lives. Harley laughed along with Joker as he revved faster, ignoring Arkhams security gate. Again they managed to break through the barrier, leaving behind even more damage as they raced to the front steps. Joker pulled to a stop, the breaks instant, and he and Harley flew forward in their seats, their belts dragging them back with a thud. Harley's heart hammered in her chest and she looked at The Joker with smoldering eyes.

"Wow!" she gasped, leaning even closer to him and running a hand up his arm. "THAT was…was."

She was lost for words, but the blazing electricity in her eyes was word enough. Joker looked over at her, grinning and taking her hand in his.

"My little bat girl." He cooed, leaning forward. Harley beamed and closed the gap, her lips pressing against his. The Joker kissed her softly, the warmth of his breath making her feel dizzy. She wrapped an arm around his throat, trying to get closer, when he suddenly wrenched her off.

"There's no time for messing around Batgirl, Arkham is in trouble!" Again his Batman impersonation was back and Harley giggled as they both ran from the car and over to the large group of armed police, their cars surrounding almost the entire perimeter.


	3. Chapter 3

Joker headed straight to Gordon and puffed out his chest

Joker headed straight to Gordon and puffed out his chest.

"What seems to be the problem?" he said deeply and Harley stifled another laugh.

"Nothing…yet." Gordon replied. "But the Joker's in there. We're certain of that."

"Really?" Joker said, sarcastically and Gordan looked up. He frowned and stepped back, looking the Joker up and down.

"You look. Different." He said. "Taller and paler."

He raised his eyebrows as Harley came into view.

"New sidekick?"

"You could say that." Joker replied. Gordon shrugged and looked over his shoulder at the damaged entrance behind them.

"I know the Joker is a particularly dangerous situation in himself but…you didn't have to destroy the gates." Gordon said, scratching his head. Joker grunted and pulled his shoulders back.

"I wanted to be here as soon as possible to take care of the clown myself!"

Harley laughed and quickly disguised it as a cough, Joker glaring at her menacingly. He was playing his role well and was almost believable. Gordon opened his mouth to speak when Arkham's doors burst open and Doctor Joan Leland came running out.

"What's he done? Do you need us to breach?" Gordon said to her professionally. Joan shook her head, still gasping slightly.

"He…he isn't doing anything wrong."

Both Gordon's and Jokers mouth fell open.

"What?" Joker growled and Joan flinched at the furious tone to his voice.

"He didn't even break in. He walked through the door, politely asked the guards to give him a moment and then he carefully pulled all the contents out across the floor."

"Has he filled the place with bombs? Given all the patients guns? Knives? What?!" Joker asked eagerly, his smile as wide and manic as ever. He only just remembered to keep up the deepened voice. For a moment it seemed that recognition flitted over Joan's face but as quick as it had appeared it had gone and she shrugged with confusion.

"He said he wanted to donate the stuff to our medical ward, to help our patients."

Joker's grin faded.

"Donate what?" he snapped, stepping toward Joan with raised fists. Harley darted forward and held him back, warningly.

"Uh- A whole lot of equipment…scientific mainly. A lot of medicine's, books, some of his discoveries in chemistry… it's all stuff which will prove extremely helpful to us."

Joker stared at her, gaping like a fish out of water, before he let out a pained yell. Everyone around him jumped.

"MY WORK!" Joker cried, grabbing Harley's arm and pushing roughly past Joan.

"What are you doing?" she yelled after him, completely shocked.

"The stuff The Joker has donated may be dangerous…it's probably a trick." Joker lied, bursting through the front doors and into the white hallway.


	4. Chapter 4

As Joan had said all of the Joker's precious science equipment was neatly set up on the floor

As Joan had said all of the Joker's precious science equipment was neatly set up on the floor. Three piles of thick books sat on the closest desk and then beside that two trolleys of test tubes and medicine bottles had been left, folders of neatly scrawled notes were sprawled out on top. Many of Arkham's doctors or nurses were chattering to each other, examining more of the books or equipment in their hands. Seeing their hands all over his stuff, HIS STUFF! Caused the Joker to cry out again. The room went silent and Harley grabbed his arm.

"Pudd'n." She whispered anxiously in his ear. "Careful…"

Joker squared his shoulders and walked forward slowly.

"I'm afraid you're all going to have to clear the area. This could be another one of the Joker's tricks."

Arkham's staff didn't argue and put everything down before bustling off, giving the Joker meaningful looks as they left. The moment they were alone Joker began scooping up as much as would fit in his arms.

"Help with this Harley!" he yelled. She jumped into action, reaching down for the books only to have them pulled away before she could.

"What gives?!" she complained, looking up to be face to face with Batman. She burst into laughter ,seeing his serious face covered with the white and red makeup, his hair covered in a realistic green wig and his buff body squeezed into the tiny purple suit. Sure he looked convincing enough but to anyone that didn't know who he really was, they would have thought 'the joker' had taken up a sudden interest in steroids. Harley laughed again.

"Wow Bats…" she teased, taking him in. "That look really doesn't suit ya! Haha get it? SUIT ya?"

Batman, as usual, didn't laugh. He just glared at her.

"Very funny, clown." He spoke with no emotion and Harley stuck her tongue out at him.

"WHAT?! Are you doing BAT?" Joker yelled furiously, leaving his things on the table and striding forward.

"Playing your game." Batman replied and Joker grabbed the front of his shirt threateningly.

"Do you think I would hand over all of my work to my most hated place on this planet?"

Batman shrugged.

"I'm just doing what I think you would do." For the first time in history he smiled in front of the Joker. "If you don't like it give up."

Joker was practically frothing at the mouth; he pushed Batman away and grabbed Harley roughly.

"We're getting out of here." He growled, making sure to gather his things before he left. He made Harley carry the bags and she struggled along behind him out the door.

"Anything suspicious?" Gordon asked him the moment he left the building.

Joker nodded.

"I recognize the mixture…everything's been contaminated with Joker's laughing drug. I'm taking it to be destroyed."

"Shouldn't have known," Gordon shook his head "And the Joker?"

"He's still inside. Take him in. Question him. Lock him up and keep him from doing ANYTHING ELSE!"

Joker threw open the car door and slammed it with enormous force.

"HURRY UP HARLEY!" he yelled, Harley throwing the bags in the back before jumping in after him. They sped off up the street and further into the city, the Joker swearing wildly and crashing into every pole, bin and car along the way.


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for the reviews guys

_Thanks for the reviews guys! Your support is awesome! _

"Where are we going Mistah J?" Harley asked after spending a good half of the day leaving a path of destruction behind their car.

"Lunch."

Was all he said. Joker pulled over and yelled at Harley to grab him a sandwich, she was gone in a flash and back just as quickly. Rather then drive off and risk dropping his food Joker stayed parked long enough to eat before he was off again, taking out his anger on the city of Gotham.

"Mistah J?"

"What!"

Harley squeaked.

"Where are we going?"

Joker sighed deeply and gave her a disappointed glance as if it were her duty to know exactly what he was thinking.

"If the Bat thinks he can trick me like that! He is wrong."

"So we're gunna pull one over on Bats?"

"Obviously Harley, try and keep up."

"Sorry Pudd'n. So what are we going to do?"

Joker opened his mouth to speak when his name caught his attention. He frowned and turned the dial on the 'radio,' Gordon's voice becoming louder and clearer.

"- we have the whereabouts of one of The Joker's hideouts, send a car to check it out."

The Joker froze and he ground his teeth together furiously.

"He wouldn't!" Joker growled, suddenly turning the wheel and pulling a U-turn. The tires screeched on the road as they sped back the way they had come.

"What's wrong Mistah J?" Harley cried, hanging onto her chair for dear life.

"We're going to spring Batsy from the suits."

"But if he's with the police then he can't pull any more pran-"

"He can TELL them what he knows."

Harley went silent and gulped, glad that she wasn't batman at that moment.

Joker pulled to a sudden stop outside the police station, jumping from the car before it had stopped completely. He burst through the doors and every eye in the room turned to him.

"Where's the Joker?!" he yelled frantically.

One of the younger officers stepped forward and opened a door, gesturing for the Joker to follow him through. Joker pushed him out the way and ran down the hallway, throwing open the door at the end with a tremendous bang. Batman was sitting at a table, his hands cuffed to the chair whilst Gordon paced in front of him, a look of anxiety on his face.

"Batman, what-"

"What has the Joker told you?!" Joker interrupted violently.

"He has…surprisingly and willingly given us the whereabouts of one of his headquarters. Along with some other information."

"WHAT INFORMATION?"

Gordon signaled to a darkened window and a few minutes later another officer walked in with an armful of folders and papers. Joker's eyes widened in recognition and he seethed, murmuring under his breath.

"My plans?"

Harley knew he would burst at any moment and she slowly stepped away from him, her mouth hanging open. Slowly the officer handed the folders over and the Joker's lip twitched into a menacing scowl as he opened the first one to find his most recent blueprints.

"I think I better take these with me to check them out…it could be another trick."

Gordon scratched his chin and stepped forward.

"Actually I think it's the real deal…no jokes."

Joker's spare hand clenched into a fist.

"Give me a minute!" he struggled to keep his voice calm and Gordon heard the tension in his words. He nodded and quickly left the room with the officer. The moment the door was closed Joker picked up a chair and threw it into the window, the camera behind it breaking.

"What are you doing?!" he yelled again, Batman leaning back in his chair smugly.

"Just doing what I thought you would do…didn't we clear that up at Arkham?"

Joker roared and threw himself over the table, knocking batman onto the ground. He began pounding every inch of him with as much strength as he could muster as Harley gathered the dropped folders behind him. Batman managed to wrench his arm free of the cuffs and threw the Joker off, standing up and brushing down the suit.

"If you don't like it you can give up…simple."

"I'm not going to give up!"

Batman shrugged.

"Then you'll just have to put up with my jokes for the rest of the day."

Joker swung his arm around and landed Batman with a clean right hook which sent him stumbling.

"What you are doing is not a joke! There's no punch line, no reason behind it! There's nothing FUNNY about it!"

"I think it's funny."

Joker let out a furious roar and pulled one of the bat-shaped blades from his side. He threw it with such swiftness that he managed to clip Batman's arm, leaving a deep gash behind. He turned around, not bothering with anything else and pushed Harley out the door in front of him. Again Gordon was waiting for him.

"Lock him up. He was lying." Joker said simply leaving the building with another plan in mind. Harley threw his plans in the boot with his equipment and pulled the door closed just as Joker revved the engine. She dove for her seat and only just made it as her Pudd'n raced off, destruction on the mind.


	6. Chapter 6

The people of Gotham were all beginning to talk

The people of Gotham were all beginning to talk. Something was wrong with Batman and they knew it. It wasn't like him to destroy everything in sight, set off a bomb in a pastry store…sending whipped cream and pastry flying all over the street or to leave notes spray painted on walls saying such things as.

"Batman…He's better then you." Or

"You're not cool unless you dress up like a bat."

More rumors had started to spread saying that the Joker had completely gone of his nut. He was actually HELPING innocent people with his medical discoveries and by handing himself and his plans over to the police. Something was seriously wrong.

The Joker and Harley crept quietly up the stairs to the front of a large building, a jar of spiders in Harleys arm and a smoke bomb in Joker's. They smiled at each other and knocked on the brightly colored door. There was the sound of laughter from the other side and then someone hushed the group. As the handle began to turn the Joker, not wanting to wait to be allowed in, took a step back and jumped through the window. Shards of glass flew out across the floor and the group of pre-school kids nearby all screamed. Joker laughed and threw his arms out wide.

"I'm Batman!" he pronounced loudly, with a low bow. The teacher, leaving the door, ran in front of him and frowned.

"WHAT is going on? Why did you destroy my window?"

Joker puffed out his chest and pointed at himself.

"I'm batman…I don't need to use doors. I can break in however I want!"

"I was going to let you in!" the teacher said, trying to keep her voice down.

Joker shrugged.

"I'm batman. I don't wait."

Joker grinned and threw down the smoke bomb, blinding everyone in the room. More screams filled the silence and the frightened children began running around wildly. Harley giggled and pulled the lid from the jar, sticking out her tongue and grimacing as the huge spiders were shaken onto the floor. Joker and Harley made their escape, breaking another window, and waited outside as the class and teacher ran after them.

"NOW!" Joker yelled and Harley pulled a string, sending black paint pouring down over everyone. Little yellow, bat shaped, paper cut outs slowly floated down afterwards, sticking to the heads of everyone below. Harley burst out laughing and the Joker stepped forward.

"Now you all look like Batman. There's no need to thank me, your smiles are thanks enough."

Joker took one last glance at the young and scolding faces looking up at him before running off.

"That was great Pudd'n!" Harley cheered as the street flew past them. Joker lazily rested one hand on the steering wheel and smiled.

"There's nothing better then ruining someone's reputation, especially little ol' Batsy's!"

The word was spreading just as quickly as Harley and Joker were moving through the city and pretty soon everyone was running for cover when they saw the bat-mobile headed their way. Joker took a deep, calming breath and grinned.

"That's what I like to see. Fear."

He pulled into an already taken parking spot, crushing the car that was in his way. He stopped the engine, stretched and then stared at the dashboard. Harley raised an eyebrow.

"What are you doing Pudd'n?"

"SHH!"

There was silence for a few minutes, his gaze never shifting. Harley grew impatient and tapped his shoulder.

"SHHH!"

"I didn't say anything-"

"BE QUIET!"

Harley folded her arms sulkily over her chest and looked out the window. She stuck her tongue out at a family who were giving her a strange look and they quickly moved away.

The clock ticked to four pm and the Joker began to laugh, flicking a small black switch. A Keyboard flipped out of the dashboard and he typed a few words in before hitting enter. Harley watched him curiously and his smile stretched even further as a map appeared on screen, a red line trailing across the roads of Gotham and ending at a particular destination.

"Yes!" Joker cried and Harley jumped.

"Do you have a plan Pudd'n?"

"I certainly do Harley-girl. I know where the Batman's hidey-hole is."

"So we're going to break in and take his stuff like he did to you?"

"No. I have a better idea. Now listen up."

….


	7. Chapter 7

Joker pulled over and practically shoved Harley out the door

Joker pulled over and practically shoved Harley out the door.

"Hurry up!" he yelled at her as she jumped from the car and ran to the boot, pulling out two buckets of yellow and black paint. She grabbed the paintbrush from the inside of her boot and dipped it first in the yellow, writing a few words and then blacking out the background in the shape of a bat. She drew an arrow pointed up the street and stepped back, nodding.

"Too find out Batman's true idenity follow the yellow brick…arrow."

"Good work Pumpkin."

Harley squealed at the praise and dipped the paintbrush in again, running up the street and painting arrows on as many walls as she could. She doubled back for more paint, finished the trail and threw everything back into the car. The Joker driving around the corner to have the whole process start again.

It was growing dark and Joker made sure that his little 'message' had been painted on walls lit up by the street lamps. Though no-one dared go out at night a group of curious citizens along with a camera crew and media van, were slowly following the bat-mobile, watching and whispering as it leisurely drove through Gotham. Another group of, not-so-friendly citizens…a.k.a the mobsters, had also heard the rumors and were following the trail.

The Joker traveled around in circles, twisting and turning his trail so that his followers would take far longer to arrive at their destination then him; after all he was the one who had discovered the 'homing' system in the bat-mobile so he should be the first to know who the dark knight really was.

"Follow this street and turn right at the end." Said the mechanical voice of the dashboard tonelessly, making the Joker laugh aloud.

"Batsy shouldn't have left his co-ordinates in his bat-mobile!" Joker teased, Harley laughing along with him. Joker turned the dial on the police radar, his smile spreading so wide it threatened to rip his face in half.

"The Joker has escaped from county jail, be on the look out!"

Joker let go of the steering wheel to clap wildly, his laugh breaking the silence as the car swerved and crashed into a pole causing it to snap and fall loudly to the ground, sending glass flying out across the street. Harley giggled and looked at Joker as he put his hands behind his head to relax.

"What are you looking at?" he said frowning. "I've stopped. You have more painting to do!"

"Oh! Sorry Mistah J!"

Harley dove from her seat and Joker tutted.

"Hopeless."

"You have reached your destination. Goodbye." The mechanical voice said, automatically turning itself off. Harley and Joker both sat, mouths hanging open, staring at the manor in front of them. The car engine slowed and then stopped completely but the Joker didn't move a muscle, he continued to stare ahead, gob-smacked.

"That's where Batsy lives?" Harley gasped eyes as wide as saucers. "But-But that's, that's-"

She couldn't form words and instead went silent, resulting to staring at her pudding instead of the sandstone building which sat innocently at the top of a winding driveway. Joker finally managed to pull himself together when the radio blared to life, announcing that the Joker had been seen heading toward Bruce Wayne's mansion. The Joker's hand moved so quickly that the car was roaring to life and being backed out before Harley could blink.

"What are you doing pudd'n?"

Joker stopped a good fifty meters from the looming black iron gates, his sparkling eyes gazing at the clear scrawling writing which read.

"Wayne."

In the middle of the two gates. He smiled wildly, revved the engine and shot forward crashing through the gates and speeding up the driveway, yelling happily as Harley screamed by his side. As the Joker sped toward the front doors he checked the time…only a couple of hours left until midnight and then the game was over. He pushed his foot down as far as the gas pedal would allow and then looked over at Harley.

"Ready to jump?"

"What?!" she screamed. Joker leant over pulled open her door and suddenly pushed Harley out, quickly following after her. The two flew onto the grass either side of the driveway, rolling violently. Joker was quick to his feet and looked up in time to see the bat-mobile fly up the stairs and soar into the air, crashing through the double doors and into the entrance hall with an almighty crash. The diamond chandelier above cracked and then broke, falling on top of the car with an ear piercing shatter. Joker began to laugh, throwing his head back with joy. Harley yelled angrily from beside him and then her arms were suddenly wrapped around his waist as she tackled him to the ground.

"What. Was. That. Mistah. J?" she gasped as the two rolled around in the soft grass, Harley trying to punch her pudd'n between the eyes. Joker grabbed her wrists easily and flipped her over so he was lying over her dauntingly. He glared at her with such menace that she fell silent and gulped, trying to squirm out from underneath him. Joker whacked her across the face painfully and then laughed as she whimpered, grabbing her face and pulling her into a deep kiss. He ran his tongue over her bottom lip, tasting her black lipstick. Harley threw her arms around his neck and again he pushed her off.

"I'm sorry for shout'n pudd'n." Harley cooed as he helped her up.

"It's alright pumpkin pie. You know I was saving you…I couldn't have my little Harley girl go crashing through that wall now could I?"

Harley shook her head.

"No. Now why doesn't my little girl go up and check if the coast is clear?"

Harley didn't need telling twice, she skipped up the stairs and straight through the wreckage without a second glance. Joker rolled his eyes… she was so easily convinced. Joker crept after her slowly, expecting at any minute for a bunch of cops or at least guards to come forward and shoot him there on the spot and after all he couldn't have that, he had to see Batsy's face when all of Gotham followed the yellow arrows to his home. Joker held in a laugh and poked his head around the smashed wall.

"All clear?" he called out.

"It's alright Pudd'n, no-one's here."

Joker beamed and stepped into Bruce Wayne's mansion. Batsy's secret was finally his…


	8. Chapter 8

The Joker stood at the top of Wayne mansion, the wind whipping the black cape around his body

The Joker stood at the top of Wayne mansion, the wind whipping the black cape around his body. Harley stood by his side, an arm curled around his, as the two stared out across the streets of Gotham. Joker raised his binoculars again, twirling a few dials and scanning the streets.

"The mob is only two streets away…Batsy's no-where in sight."

"Do you think they'll believe us pudd'n?"

"Of course they'll believe us."

"But…Bruce wayne?"

Joker shrugged.

"I knew all along… I just kept it to my self."

Harley wrapped her arms tightly around his waist.

"You're so smart Mistah J!"

"I know Harley-girl."

He glanced up a final time.

"One more street and then-"

"It's the B-man!" Harley interrupted with a small squeak. Joker glanced down at the gate just as batman began climbing over the piles of destroyed iron. In the distance the sound of sirens could be heard coming closer.

"He brought the cops too!" Joker threw aside the binoculars, ready to jump up and down and cheer. "Is he really that stupid?"

Joker wrapped an arm around Harley's waist, reached for a gun in his belt and shot it into the floor beneath him; a sharp dagger pierced the ground securing the attached rope in place. Harley's eyes widened in understanding and before she could object the Joker had jumped over the edge, pulling her along with him. She clung onto him tightly as the wind whipped past them; the rope ended only meters from the ground, pulling them to an abrupt halt. Harley allowed herself to drop, her legs giving way as she collapsed into the grass with an

"Oomph!"

Joker gracefully fell to his feet, straightened up and strode forward to meet Batman halfway up the driveway.

"What do you think your doing, Joker?"

"Just doing what I thought you would do Batsy. Or should I say Mr.Wayne?..." he trailed off and Batman growled.

"This is taking things to far Joker!"

"No I think it's pretty fair…after what you did to me and all."

Batman checked his watch.

"You only have twenty-minutes left… then what?"

"I have a plan. The question is what are you going to do? The cops will be after batman and Bruce Wayne. You've got no where to go. Nothing to do."

Joker began pacing around Batman menacingly, his smile planted on his face.

"You're finished Batsy!"

Harley pulled herself up, the sounds of The Joker just reaching her ears. She squinted in the darkness, trying to spot him, when her foot came down on something hard. She jumped in shock and turned around, bending down and picking up a tape recorder in the bushes behind her. She frowned and pressed stop. The moment she did the sound of police sirens she thought were streets away, ended. Harley gasped and pressed play, the sirens starting up again.

"Err Mistah J!" she called out, throwing the recorder aside.

"Quiet Harley, I'm taunting the bat!"

"But Pudd'n!"

"I said BE QUIET!"

Harley went still and chewed on her lip as she tried to come up with an explanation for Batsy's tape recorder. As she shifted her weight from one foot to another there came a loud growl from behind her. Harley's heart raced as she flipped around to see a giant German Shepard only meters away.

"Eep!" Harley let out a loud scream and began running as fast as she could toward the mansion. The dog chased after her, barking wildly, whilst the Joker and Batman stood completely oblivious to the situation.

"MISTAH J!" Harley cried desperately, running out of puff.

"Shut-up Harley!" Joker yelled back angrily. Harley groaned, swore to get her own back on him later, and flung herself into a nearby tree. She pulled herself up into the branches and hid amongst the leaves. The dog barked at her from the bottom but soon gave up and began sniffing the ground, growling again and heading, instead, for the Joker. Harley watched and her eyes widened when she noticed the flashing blue and red lights at the bottom of the driveway. From this height she was able to see the gathering off people being blocked off by mounds of police, while other officers were knelt behind bushes, Both them and their vehicles hidden from the Joker's sight by the surrounding plants. Harley clenched her fists tightly as The Joker let out a crazed laugh. The moment he threw his head back Batman waved his hand, quickly snapping it back down when the Joker opened his eyes. The police took sight of the signal and quietly ran forward, some appearing from spots Harley hadn't even seen. Within a matter of minutes Batman and the Joker were completely surrounded, guns being pointed from every direction. Batman jumped forward, grabbed the Jokers arm and twisted it around his back, pushing him to the ground. The officers moved in, quickly detaining the Joker. With their backs turned batman took off, he dived into the bushes and Harley squinted, only just seeing him as he disappeared into a hole in the ground. She wanted to jump down and chase after him but knew she would only be caught and so she stayed put, watching in terror as her beloved was cuffed and forced to stand up as his pockets were checked for weapons. Batman popped back up with some one following along beside him, the two men broke up the circle of police and Gordon came forward, shaking both of their hands.

"Thankyou Gordon, I don't know what the Joker was planning but it can't have been good."

Harley's mouth fell open and she almost fell out of the tree in shock. Bruce wayne, dressed neatly in a black suit, his hair combed back with gel, was standing right next to a freshly dressed batman. Batman pulled the Joker suit out from behind his back and handed it to Gordon.

"I think you might also want to take that with you…gives the clown something to change into when I get my clothing back."

Both Gordon and Bruce laughed.

"Thankyou, Bat-man. I admit at first I didn't think your plan would work but…well I guess I was wrong." Gordon gestured at the Joker and laughed again. "Well done."

Batman shook his head.

"One less killer on the streets, the better. There's no need to thank me."

Gordon nodded and shook his head, the two officers holding The Joker began to push him back down the driveway and toward one of their cars. The three men remained where they were standing, continuing to talk.

"So Bruce, were you in on any of this?

"Not at the beginning. But when Batman told me the Joker would be trying to use me for one of his plans I thought I would have to get involved. Couldn't have the people of Gotham thinking I was their Dark Knight!"

He chuckled.

"No offense."

He slapped Batman on the shoulder. Harley stuck her tongue out at the three of them. She didn't know how Batsy had done it but he sure was smarter then she had thought. With one last glance at the cops she sprung from the tree and into the darkness, keeping to the shadows and slowly creeping through the bushes to the bottom of the mansion's driveway. She watched as The Joker was thrown into the back of the truck, the door being slammed and locked behind him. The two cops responsible for him climbed into the front and started the engine. Harley waited until the last minute before she ran forward and jumped onto the back, springing off the exhaust pipe and grabbing the roof tightly. She pulled herself onto the roof just as the truck began making its way through the crowd. She waited until they had driven to a deserted street before she hooked her foot on one of the roof bars and threw herself over the back. She tapped on the window and The Joker looked up, a smile creeping over his face.

"Harley!" he mimed and she grinned, nodding. She reached for a bobby pin which had been tucked in her pocket and carefully used it to unpick the lock. The door swung open and Harley flipped into the truck with ease. Again she used the pin to undo the cuffs and The Joker clasped her hand, the two of them jumping onto the street and running off into the darkness.


	9. Chapter 9

Harley lay on the couch, her head hanging over the arm rest whilst the Joker sat at his table, sketching a new

Harley lay on the couch, her head hanging over the arm rest whilst the Joker sat at his table, sketching a new set of blueprints for a plan he had in mind. Harley blew a bubble with the gum in her mouth and it popped loudly. After their old hide out had been raided and confiscated from the cops they had had to move to their backup on the outskirts of the city. Batman had gotten away with Joker's attempt to spill his secret and had played it off as another one of the Joker's pranks, Bruce Wayne being involved because Joker wanted to ruin the richest man in Gotham. The Joker had throws the T.V out the window after hearing Batman say such a thing and vowed to get his 'secret identity' out their somehow. He would be able to convince Gotham that Bruce Wayne was the Dark Knight, he was the Joker, he could convince any one of anything. Harley was living proof. The Joker looked over at Harley as she blew another bubble, a clown doll tucked under her arm. He chuckled, catching her attention.

"So what now pudd'n?"

"We get Batsy back."

"So you have a plan?"

"Oh yes Harley- girl. I have a plan."

The Joker laughed loudly, picking up a knife and throwing it at a poster of Batman on the wall in front of him. The blade stuck directly between the eyes. Joker threw a second knife, this one landing on the hand written words "Bruce Wayne."

"Are we going to give it to the B-man?" she asked, jumping up and standing beside the Joker. He pulled her down onto his lap and grinned.

"We're going to give it to him all right… I played his little game and now it's my turn. But this time, I won't LET him win!"

Fin.


End file.
